casual ultimate » Adoring Fans Beginning to Doubt “Baby Briefcase’s” Existence; Question A.V. Was Ever Pregnant At All

Early in the afternoon last Monday, September 25, A. V. reportedly gave birth to a baby girl, Maxine. While the V’s are supposedly happy, healthy and at home, neither A not the baby has made a public appearance since the Sectionals tournament, just one days before the “birth.” A’s new secluded lifestyle and the lack of any baby pictures or eyewitnesses has led some to question the baby’s existence. C.U. has obtained these satellite images of baby Maxine, although picturologists are not able to positively identify the images as a human child.

The birth was without complication and drug-free. It has been alleged that the V’s decision to choose this method may have been spiritual. While this was apparently not a “silent” birth, it should be noted that the Church of Scientology does in fact ban the use of pain relief drugs during childbirth. A. has stated that “Maxine” is a family name, but others have noted that the baby may be named after the quirky principle character in the 1999 film Being John Malkovich, or that the name may be a derivation of the French men’s name Maximillen, meaning “the greatest.” Disgruntled teammates have suggested the name may be a reference to A and N’s combined ultimate skills, and their hope that young Maxine will indeed be the greatest player ever to grace the sport.

A typically joins N at Briefcase practice, cheering from the sideline - this past Sunday she was nowhere to be seen, although Nate insisted she was at home resting. A source close to the V’s told C.U. reporters, “she loves going to Briefcase practice and sitting on the pregnant line, and normally clears her schedule to make time. I’m really surprised that she’s not out here with N and the rest of the team.”
Several days before the noted absence at practice, N had sent an email to the team informing them of Maxine’s arrival. It was a terse, text-only document and N declined to provide pictures upon request. First the email, then A’s curious absence from the sidelines, have made friends of the V’s wonder whether the birth took place at all.

When I think about it, A’s stomach kept getting bigger and bigger but she didn’t gain weight anywhere else,” said a former teammate who asked that her identity not be revealed. “She look great. And she ate an astounding amount but, you know, that’s what the V’s do. It’s strange that it was pasta salad instead of ham sandwiches, though.”

“A has been in a great mood for the last nine months, and I’ve heard that pregnant women can get cranky sometimes,” said a regular fan of the V’s style of play. “I guess it’s possible that she just got a huge beer belly not playing ultimate. It happens.”

When asked about A’s extended absence from the ultimate scene, friends and teammates say they miss her and want to see the baby. Many have also offered the fact that, while A certainly appeared to be great with child and N was seen doting on her even more than usual, no one ever actually saw her stomach.

“She would wear N’s jersey, because it was bigger, and was definitely rocking the stretchy pants,” one beach player said. “But, no - come to think of it I never actually saw the stomach. She let me feel the baby kick once but, to be honest, I didn’t feel anything. And her stomach felt exactly like a gel bike seat.”

Only one acquaintance of the V’s, tbrizzle, has come forth and said that he has seen baby Maxine. Tbrizzle allegedly visited A in the hospital just days after the birth. When asked to provide evidence of the Maxine sighting, however, tbrizzle failed to produce anything substantial.

“I saw the baby in the hospital,” said tbrizzle. “She is the cutest baby in the world!!! It’s no surprise with such fantastic parents, but this baby is amazing - amazing, I’m telling you!! And she got A’s hair, which is a plus. She actually has an amazing amount of hair for a newborn baby.”

Friends and teammates continue to wonder, will they ever see baby Maxine? Will a picture of the little cutie-pie be brought to Regionals and passed around? Can the baby paparazzi satisfy the needs of the demanding Chicago ultimate public? How long will A “resting at home,” as N insists she has been doing for over one full week? Will Maxine herself show up at Regionals this weekend, and will she be wearing a tie? The world will wait and watch.