Friday, January 12, 2007
It’s lonely on the high road
Fate has presented me with what could be the biggest revenge-seeking opportunity of my life – should I take it?
We all get to the point where we recognize our fellow commuters; the woman who carries a small piece of luggage instead of a laptop bag like a normal person, the guy who air drums while listening to his ipod, etc. I may be the only person out there, though, with a commuting nemesis. There’s this one girl – long dark messy hair, tragic eyeliner, worn-out boots, funky clothes, art institute canvas bag – who is often on the same blue line train with me and gets on at division, as I do. One day about a year ago, the car was packed to the gills as usual and the clark&lake stop came up, where 70% of the passengers get off. This girl – let’s call her Bitch - was standing right in front of the door, and I was packed in behind her (the folding doors, not the sliding ones which allow much more room for people to get on and off). The doors open, and she doesn’t move at all. I’m getting pushed from behind, I’ve said “excuse me” and she doesn’t move at all, and she basically gets pushed out of the train (along with me). I guess I stepped on her foot, and of course I say “sorry” as she flashes me an evil look. We both get back on the train, the next stop comes up and she gets off, but as she does she looks back at me and snarls, “fat ass!” fat ass. Who even says that anymore, and is it really applicable to someone who weighs less than 300 pounds? Unbelievable. Some other commuters look at me and we chuckle about it, but still – who does bitch think she is?
Of course, I see her often on the train platform, looking angry at the world. Just yesterday morning, in fact, i needed to sit on the platform bench to rearrange what I was carrying and the only seat available was next to her. I sit down, she gives me a dirty look and gets up and walks away. Whatever, we’ve established that she may be psychotic and it must be difficult to carry around that much rage all the time. But again – who does bitch think she is? I feel like it’s part of being a citizen in a large city that you have to treat strangers in your path with at attitude neutrality if not outright graciousness. Apparently she’s in a different camp.
And then, last night, fate stepped in. I’m taking a continuing education biology class at northwestern to improve one of my grad school applications, and **bitch is in my class** I’m 95% sure it’s her – I had looked her in the face that very morning, same boots, same stupid canvas bag. But it class she is sugary sweet with the professor (leading me to think that she may actually have some sort of bipolar mental disorder, I wasn’t just calling her names).
So what do I do? Do I let her be a crazy asshole in the morning and then sit in class with her at night? There are, like, a dozen people in the class so individuals can’t be anonymous. Do I accuse her of cheating on an exam so she gets kicked out of the degree-seeking program she’s in? do I just confront her and ask her why she thinks she can treat strangers the way she does? Do I do it in class or on the el platform? Whatever it is, I want her heavy black eyeliner streaming down her face along with tears of remorse.
- ms. u
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January 12th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
ms. ultimate must have a knack for pissing crazy people off on the subway. last year when i was in chicago for a hearing ms. ultimate was nice enough to put me up for the night. we rode into the city together in the morning wearing business attire, and got gay bashed by the crazy woman on the train! the woman asked us repeatedly “how does it feal to be gay?” and made comments about how we were making god very angry and said that if we looked outside at the animals in the jungle that none of them were gay. she also said a lot of very vulgar things that i won’t repeat because i hear that this is supposed to be a family friendly blog. but ultimately the lunatic announced to how much money she made and proceeded SPIT at ms. ultimate as she was getting off the train. most of my gay friends don’t have a gay bashing story as good as that. at the time i thought the woman was just a wack-job, but maybe there is something about ms. ultimate that brings out the crazy on the subway…
January 12th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
oh yeah, i forgot about that. she was certifiable. i guess i do bring out the crazy. subconsciously, this is probably why i now bike to work as much as humanly possible.
January 12th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
bide your time. something will present itself — an opportunity to expose her or embarrass her, either on the el or in class. plan for that, but have a back-up plan — regular old revenge — in case plan A doesn’t come to fruition.
meanwhile I wore long underwear on my walk to work this morning because it was 4 degrees.
January 14th, 2007 at 1:26 am
i have always felt that a nice anonymous F*CK YOU would be to have an unknown associate walk up to the offender one day, hand them a wee card which says “You are being repaid for past awfulness to other people” and spray them smack full frontal on their business attire with a large dose of Fart Spray. It is truly heinous stuff, and would absolutely require the recipient to return home for a full cleansing, both of person and wardrobe. also, i can’t really think of any legal statutes you’d be violating, since it can’t really be assault, and it washes out. russell, you got an opinion on this one?
http://cgi.ebay.com/12-New-Cans-of-Fart-Spray-Smells-like-Stink-Bombs_W0QQitemZ290070696010QQihZ019QQcategoryZ1467QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem