casual ultimate » 2007 » March

with ms. utly out of town exploring her ivy league options, i am holding it down solo at headquarters. it is difficult having to not only follow the plot of law$order but also order thai food with just one person but so far there have been no major incidents. this weekend will be a little hectic though. i’m still recovering from milwaukee but blades of glory is opening so there will be at least one viewing, hopefully there will be bicycle brunch again sunday, and saturday night there is some crazy bike sprints competition at a dive bar called the mutiny. sounds sinister. and this is all aside from spring league, basketball on saturday (i hope ohio state just wins the whole thing at this point) and many naps.

last night was tricks and drinks. good times but miss casual fell doing a seated trackstand and now has an enormuos bruise on her right leg. the viking even came out since the weather was so temperate and we drank some slovak beer called the golden pheasant. lovely. no one broke anything (i dont think) and j dot and tristan were doing one legged over the bars skids like no ones biznass. this bodes well for summer.

this is an email exchange between ms. ulty and myself today. our friend, that guy rob, who you all know by now, said he was going to start a business involving wealth design of some kind. i just thought we’d share a little of our day to day at casual ultimate.
___________________________________________________________________

subject : wealth dejin intern position

i am writing this email to inquire about the internship position for wealth dejin, inc. i have experience as a pro-dejiner in an architectural firm however i have been reconsidering my career lately as i have been working on area plans all day that i feel could be generated by a high powered computer machine of some kind or drawn by a very intelligent primate / remedial high school student.

my qualifications are that i am a world renowned blogger with casual ultimate, a crunk life company, affiliated with ‘hey lets rage’ corporation. i can drink sparxx at 8oz per minute (7% alcohol by volume) and have a history of leadership experience as i have arranged happy hour for upwards of 20 people on very short notice.

also i make excellent coffee.

i think you will find my record of excellence speaks for itself. i look forward to being a part of the wealth dejin empire.

yours
jess ‘miss casual’ town

____________________________________________________________________

Dear Ms. Town,

Thank you for your inquiry regarding our open intern position for the summer of 2007. Your cover letter is compelling, although you may have forgotten to attach your resume. While a formal resume is not necessary, a list of 2-3 references, along with brief descriptions of your relationship, would be appreciated. Website submissions will be accepted as a weak substitute for references.

Best regards,
Clara Ultimate

Chief Financial Officer and Executive Recruitment Associate
Wealth Dejin, Inc.
1444 N. Paulina
Chicago, IL 60622
(312) 123-4567 (312-get-crnk)
- Show quoted text -

____________________________________________________________________

Ms. Ultimate
My references include :

one mr. robert. pro-dejiner and member of the aia young and crunk subcommitee.

also one mr brown bear. he is studying for a phd in pants free living as well as heading up the flip cup special interest group.

I have enclosed pictures of my references for your convenience.

Yours desperately
jess town

_____________________________________________________________________

These are impressive references, Jessica. Brown Bear has served on our board of directors for a number of years. You will be hearing from us shortly.

Best regards,
Ms. Ultimate

so after our lovely evening with girl talk the cu staff split up to cover both fair cities - ms. ulty took off at the breaka breaka dawn to bring it at spring league and miss casual stayed in mke to ‘race’ in her first alleycat and see the city with our most gracious hosts evan and emily.

ms. ulty and team teamocil went 2-0 beating vijay and finn’s team and taking us to week 2 undefeated. miss casual got coerced into racing in the milwaukee messenger invitational with a fantastic group of people including a couple from mke on a tandem and some other chicago natives. we did most of the checkpoints but got lost somewhere just north of evanston and stopped for directions (read: beer) at a bar called buck’s on the south side of milwaukee. the ride back was a breeze and we made it back in time to eat ourselves silly at buck bradley’s (how many dudes named buck live in milwaukee anyway?) and drink some pbr.

sunday was a meteorological miracle and upon arrival back in chicago miss casual got on sugarbomb and met bjorn for a ride to rogers park to have brunch with monica and tbrizzle. aside from our surly waiter and a flat which j dot and bjorn fixed, it was a perfect summer day…albeit in the middle of march. milwaukee was fun but its good to be back in the chi.

were trying to be quiet because julios watching star wars and evan is in sleepy town. girl talk saved the day, after 3 hours of amateur djing he brought the pain to our friday night. we discarded clothing at this at this bar in order to facilitate our dance mayhem and yet thats just the beginning. we stopped three times looking for our orange and black can and came up empty handed. unless you count friend ship with a lovely youngster who pointed us to a liquor store and a one legged gentleman who ensured ms. ultimate that she need not pump her own m’fing gas. thats chivalry such as we havent seen since the boss ushered us around bucktown.

this is complicated and well talk to you later. we love you.

im staying put, ms. ulty is coming with her a game to spring league. better reckidnize.

xoxo

cu

photos later

okay so this isnt the girl talk were goign to see tonight but it might be an image of the cu staff getting prepared for our invasion of milwaukee. i believe ‘milwaukee’ is from the german meaning ‘lets get crunk’. and thats what were gonna do. we are piling into papa john’s jeep and hitting the road with an i-trip, some three six mafia, and the kittens for company.

last night miss casual got pink bar tape put on her bike to complete its total barbie-fication in time for the trip. also her bracket is kicking some major arse. look out denardis. im coming for you… itll be good for spring league to start up again. itll get us in good shape especially now that the league went 4-3 so well be playing savage every week. by summer well be fast as pumas.

have a great weekend. well try and post an update sometime saturday on our take no prisoners friday night and biking / ultimate saturday am. team teamocil faces off with vijay and finn saturday morning and its gonna be wet and wild judging by the weather forecast. but weve got our tuxedo t-shirts and were ready to party.

Life is moving fast at casual ultimate headquarters these days and it seems we may have left a few loose ends lately in our posts so today’s a wrap up. (In our defense Ms. Ulty is ivy league bound and miss casual is busy at work making every building going up on the near south side look sexy in pictures. But as we all know losers make excuses, winners make it happen… its happening.)

Our last night in sunny florida was spent in a bacchanalia of carbohydrates and singing plumbing. The dolphin in the walls at the town house was in rare form and so was the insane homemade ravioli and cake with seafoam icing. Chuck and Mama town even played a little something while the kids were at the pool. We didn’t get to spend enough time with nick, a self proclaimed ‘considerate little f^&*er’ but im sure well run into him next year when we might even play Frisbee.

Last weekend was ‘ride and die’ as we cruised around the northside… from watching basketball on Lincoln, to mike d’s going away in wrigleyville, finally ending up at a bar called the California clipper where there was swing dancing and a few champagne cocktails. We wish we had been getting green margaritas made in our mouths with becky but alas mostly it was basketball and naps.

However on Sunday miss casual learned how to trackstand like a pro. Is it too late to quit my job and be a professional bike trick do’er? Since team bon vivant lacks a practice schedule miss casual enlisted a private tutor and took off for a sunny spot at the zoo to practice. Before long she was standing for almost a minute! Hopefully bon vivant will a. get a new name and b. start meeting regularly now that tbrizzle and miss casual will be roommates. We will need to correspond with our sister bike gang on the west coast (captained by dr. welsh) to coordinate jerseys, names, handshakes etc.

Lastly sugarbomb, miss casual’s iron steed, got a makeover with some pink deep v’s last night courtesy of our friends at rapid transit. While sugar will never be as pink as mr. tristan’s bicycle, it still looks pretty sweet. The cu staff celebrated by adjourning to HQ to watch law $ order (it ended up being c$i instead) and discuss strategies at getting on thats show ‘the amazing race’.

Thats enough for today. Expect an excited, high pitched, squealing post about girl talk, spring league, etc tomorrow. Lates.

yesterday was the spring league draft, the official start to 2007 ultimate for the c.u. staff thanks to a canceled tourney a couple of weeks ago. ms. ulty and baker are captaining team teamocil in the seinfeld division; we decided to name the team after arrested development since seinfeld is so 1997. baker was a little upset about getting hosed in the draft pick order, so ms. ulty, vijay and finn had to take turns giving him shoulder massages. vijay and finn’s gloating negated their massage effects, though - just wait until we play you!

we added a few briefcase peeps to the core, chengstein and rob, along with their buddies, and some new names and faces. it was touch and go at the end of the draft but we got treemboat, our secret weapon. he’s been running with that new-fangled nike ipod gizmo all winter and is ready to open a can of whoopass on the fields. baker and another captain pulled the ultimate friendship test by calling their mutual friend joe o-r and asking him who he liked more and wanted to play with (the other team had gotten him and bakes wanted him). apparently we’re not the only ones who think baker’s a swell guy, because joe picked him without hesitation.

we can’t wait for frisbee to start. this friday is girl talk in milwaukee, but ms. ulty is torn. does she go to girl talk, brunch, ride bikes and miss the start of spring league on saturday? go and drive back to chicago saturday morning (morning games)? skip girl talk so she can spend all of friday night watching rocky, friday night lights and bring it on to get herself psyched for the games? hmm…sounds like a good poll topic.

with all the excitement and 5 full hours of sleep behind us friday night, we pushed on through to saturday and our trip to miami. after a few hours on the sand in fll we packed up and drove down to our ho-tel, mo-tel, bad ass days inn… which conveniently had metered parking and the most unhelpful staff on earth including such highlights as chrisnise, who couldnt give us more than 2$ in quarters at a time, and funny joking concierge guy who tried to call miss casual a fiend when she asked where the closest coffee shop was on sunday morning. ha frickin ha ha.

everyone did their hair and fluffed their dresses and we were off. alaina and the cu staff adjorned to the delano hotel for a foo foo cocktail and awed at the beutiful interior and crowd before heading to dinner and meeting the rest of team extreme… to the max. we got more food than we knew what to do with but thankfully we had chucktown, who wasnt too full of thai donuts to help out, and tucker, who ate a shrimp tail off ms. ulty’s plate and earned the title ‘trash eater.’

then we set off south to find trouble / a bar / the meaning of life. we stopped at some kind of tiki bar for frozen cocktails and phone calls to long lost friends. expect matching outfits this weekend from our favorite twist cone, brown bear and ms. ultimate. heres alaina in the junlge looking more composed than the rest of us. after that we kept walking in search of more trouble / fun / flourescent booze. turns out though its tough to pick a destination when we have 9 people and a buzz on from drinks mixed in an alley. so we walked to the end of miami. almost to cuba. aliana threw pennys at a stranger, tucker got on a strangers motorcylce (that was coincidentally a ‘cbr’) and then the cu staff tried to break off because of massive blisters on our high heeled feet. we ended up coming back to join our cohorts, post tgi fridays, at teds hideout. what a fun sexy time for us.

ms. ultimate made friends with the new zeeland cricket team before miss casual dragged her away from their accents and big blue eyes to reconvene with our group somewhere around 5am at free spirits. another night of good times and 5 hours of sleep.

we needed to get some material out of this trip so we made the ultimate sacrifice for the blog. we went for 24 hours without sleep (besides the occasional cat nap) to pack as much awesome into our first day as possible. heres how it broke down.

day 1, part un
daybreak : chicago. 4am the casual ultimate staff is up and getting ready for our trip to ohare. 510 am. we gave a rousing cheer for denardis when he sauntered up to us at the gate for our flight. 645 cat nap on plane. ms. ulty does unibomber impression. 10am touchdown in the fll and grab becky before heading to the house and waking up chucktown for scones and coffee. 1123 first trip to the pool with papa town, the cu staff, becky, denardis and chucktown. also in attendance were various residents and their visiting grandchildren. it reminded ms. ulty of her grandmothers pool in willmette what with the old people and whatnot. miss casual lost a game of marco polo to the biggest midget in the game. 1217 pulled pork time. thank you mamatown.

day 1, part deux
146: trip to walmart for sunglasses, towels, special ed sandals for denardis, high life, and best friend forever necklaces for the ladies. 228: cu staff tosses disc for first time in four months. we forgot how much we love this game (even though we were not technically playing a game). it felt good, real good to throw again. our admittedly fantastic skills made us realize we should rename the weekend team, from el camino to team extreme. now say ‘team extreme’ like ’shake and bake,’ with the wavey arm motion and finger pistols. you could do that 100 times and i wouldn’t get tired of it. it riles me up. because we’re doers and not thinkers, we’re going to spend the rest of the trip finding a place that will make us t-shirts that say ‘team extreme’ on the front and ‘to the max!’ on the back. preference is for hypercolor, but we’ll settle for airbrush with dolphins. here are some pictures of our first trip to the beach. denardis got his hat stuck in a palm tree trying to be a smartass and it required 3/5 of team extreme to extract it. then ms. ulty and d destroyed a little boy’s dreams, and his sand castle, and buried ms. ulty in sand. it was cozy.

day 1, part trois: interlude
604 pm: we get back to the house after driving around a bit. chucktown at the wheel was delirious from lack of sleep. 617 pm: we eat denardis’s body weight (playing weight) in beef fajitas and fresh guacamole. ms. ulty declares this best vacation ever. 7:14: showers and talladega nights. lainers came over around 9 and got us off the couch with mike’s help.

day 1, part quatre
1130: lainers leads us to coyote ugly; we owe her an apology for doubting her skills at finding a bar, because we end up at this awesome place with swinging bench seats overlooking a lagoon and a freight train route, but this place is frightening when you first drive up people. ms. ulty thought there was nothing but prostitutes and college boys on the streets, but apparently that’s the way they roll down here during spring break. jesus. 131 am: ferrari’s flight lands at fll, and the rest of team extreme heads to mardi gras. 213 am: all eight members of team extreme are together at the same swinging bench for the first time. we elect tucker rookie of the year for suggesting we drink a couple sparkers to get the party started. (note: the original five had already done this in the parking lot about 3 hours before. there are zero laws regarding alcohol consumption in florida; there actually might not be any laws at all, but lainers actually works for a judge so we know that to be false.) 247 am: discussion of whyte noise, the club immediately behind us. ask us about this one when we’re off the clock.

day 1, part cinq
318 am: c.u. staff gets margaritas made in their mouths at a bar called bricks, shortly before almost getting vomited upon by a total stranger. you’re going to have to go to the vip folder folder to see these pictures, because they’re going to get us kicked out of the miss america pageant. i motherfucking love this country. 357 am: we steal denardis for a minute, much to the dismay of his new dance partner, and flee from the scene. the gps system leads us straight to the mcdonald’s drive thru before heading home for the night. 423 am: sleep at last.

and that was only day 1. needless to say we bailed on any ultimate-related activities previously scheduled for saturday morning. just ask yourself this… what does the dolphin want?

miami is going to be bananas. i think george micheal bluth said it best when he gave us our post title. at left youll see an actual dramatic reenactment of denardis and ferrari coming up from the pool. while the casual ultimate staff failed to get airbrush tans we are still bringing our a-game to this weekend of sun, naps, eating and naps. oh and frisbee. i think theres gonna be some frisbee. and naps. on the beach.

monday night we had an installment of casual dining with bk, akira, and the boss playing the part of an under the weather ms. ultimate. while the wine was lovely and the vegetables were yummy, a curtain that was supposed to be ‘ambiance’ was all up in miss casual’s grill and our waitress was like pat with a weird little purse she carried around. over all i give it a b-. thats right b m-i-n-e-s. i didnt even study. but im partial to la sardine. look out for a more articulate review on our favorite food blog.

mama town is already cooking and papa town is undoubtedly laying on the couch napping and watching golf so its on. we’ll try and post from south beach and by ‘try and post’ i mean well drink a margarita with becky and giggle about something blog related and then forget all about it.

you can tell from our surrealist poetry post that we had a good night friday. any night that starts with andrew trackstanding in the kitchen with a sparxx in his hand wearing ms. ulty’s white sunglasses couldn’t be bad. even though this photo is the last time anyone will ever see miss casual’s enormous phone the night was bananas.

beginning with sparxx, champagne and thai food chez ultimate, we moved on to the clipse show where there were approximately 120 dudes for every female in the audience. it was a sweet show and the cu staff made every effort to keep brown bear posted on the progress via voicemail. when the show was winding down ms. ulty looked me in the eyes and we both knew what we had to do - get ourselves to carol’s pronto. after phoning the boss and mike d in the cab and losing the phone, we drank some pbr and danced til the breaka dawn. there are some more photos of the aftermath at ms. ulty’s involving more sparxx, a candy hamburger, and sass in the gallery if anyone is curious.

the next morning we made some pancakes and bought miss casual a new bougie phone before recovering with arrested development season one and naps. new ringtones include : milkshake by kelis, aint no fun by snoop, and get low by lil jon and the eastside boys but ballin outta control was a close runner up. last night we went to see zodiac with the boss which was long but also quite a good way to wrap up the weekend.

it is 3:56 am. we tried to make contact with the boss but he was out of range. we made it to carol’s after seeing the clipse however we needed more sparxx to get miss casual to dance with any skill. it was sad. the boss was the only one who could dip her, its sad but here we are. outkast, leftover pizza, cocktails, we called vijay big time, etc.

hamburger cake biatch.

We’re not particularly religious here at c.u., but we’ll concede this much - God, or the gods, made three things with staying power: the planet, ambrosia and sparxx. Rumor has it we’ll be ringing in the Sabbath in style tonight with celestial gift number three, lovingly bestowed upon miss casual and ms. Ulty by their new best friend, Andrew. And this had better be 7% a by v, Andrew, not the orange can circa 2005. this should be just what we need to get rolling for the clipse show at the metro – this and our hi-tops, of course. As the photo to the left proves for life, these gentlemen like ice cream just as much as we do. There was talk of outfit coordination but it looks like we’re running out of time. Ms. Ulty got new kicks that are either the most fun or ugliest shoes she’s ever owned, we can’t be sure yet. It’s gonna be a good night for sure though. maybe we’ll even talk about the new CUSL gender distribution policy, who knows. Things could get crazy that way.

Also on tap this weekend is a trip to south bend, at least for ms. Ulty. Miss casual is storing up his mr. briefcase fun reserves for the season. Dubes, hoffman and george Clooney will be hosting what promises to be the Party of the Weekend. Any briefcase players who have been on the fence should check their oil and wiper fluid and hit the road tomorrow evening. I hope there’s time to celebrate treem’s hott news about getting into his program at northwestern for the fall. He’s the PhDizzomb.

oh how miss casual misses that guy rob… work is such a lonely place without him. so for the second night in a row yours truly rolled up to map room on a school night. how is this place so packed on tuesday and wednesday? apparently when im home watching law $ order the rest of the world is drinking exotic beer on armitage.

tuesday night worlds collided over maudite when our chifg friends and our ultimate friends all ended up at one table by sheer coincidence, nay destiny. then the next night rob and his pro-senior-dejiner friends and miss casual went back for more unibroue. too bad rob had an allergic reaction to awesome and we had to leave early so he could get an emergency traecheotemy in the cab. rob actually works out at depaul gym and spotted our favorite viking there last week but he says its not okay for guys to approach other guys at the gym. is this true? i mean they’ve met over beers before and stuff… i am putting this up for discussion since girls obviously play by other rules.

worlds colliding… as bg says ‘a casual divided against itself cannot stand.’